Happy New Year! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. I had a really nice break and am back with another update to talk about some very important issues within the twin flame community that I feel really need addressing. These issues are relating to the well meaning advice of "unconditional love" and how this is often misunderstood and misinterpreted, causing many twins to go in completely the wrong direction, keeping them stuck in karmic cycles. The karmic cycles I am referring to are the ones about not loving ourselves or being confused about what self-love and loving our twin flame means and how that keeps us stuck.
In this article I aim to set you free from the hidden pressures that the twin flame community place upon everyone that may have caused you to feel you had to conform or abide to certain "twin flame rules" or guidelines in order to "be worthy" or "ready" for twin flame union. I feel that some of the teachings, although well intended, are actually more destructive than helpful. And yes, I know that in my own past state of confusion I would have been saying the same erroneous things. We live and learn. So if you've ever felt judged by someone in the community for being "too much in ego", felt confused about certain teachings that didn't quite resonate with you, or felt pressured to become some kind of superhuman then I am here to give you permission to be, do and feel whatever is right for you!
**Some of this will be triggering for some. Also, I know that most teachers in the twin flame community have always meant well and we've all made mistakes in our teachings because we are all human and all on this path of learning together. None of this is directed at any particular teacher out there, I'm just saying it in general terms. Some parts may make me sound bitter, but really I'm aiming for passionate! :-) Also, when I say "you", know that I am also talking to my old self in those moments so I'm not judging anyone (or trying not to :-P). **
So let's begin with the unconditional love thing. We constantly hear about this in the twin flame community - "You must love your twin flame unconditionally." Sounds all well and good right? But the trouble is, this is not explained in any depth and often the people teaching about this don't seem to understand the concept either. Basically when we are told to love our twin unconditionally, there's often a hidden pressure to basically become a self-sacrificing martyr. This can be in the form of never getting angry or frustrated with your twin (I'm not saying to project it at them), putting up with poor behaviour (often over and over and wondering why they don't change), to never have any expectations regarding your twin or your connection, to always forgive, forgive, forgive (which is good, but is often misinterpreted to mean "turn a blind eye"), to be (overly) patient. It basically gives us an overall impression that we must have unrealistic expectations upon ourselves and have no healthy boundaries. But then often you will hear in the next breath that you need to have healthy boundaries (which is good!), but the "love unconditionally" placed next to the "create healthy boundaries" message is contradictory and confusing at best when not fully understood or explained.
First off, it's completely fine to get angry or frustrated at times (just try not to projected it at your twin). Sometimes we need to get really pissed off in order to love ourselves more and put up a healthy boundary. Anger is often a sign that either someone isn't treating us right and we feel it's unfair, or it's showing us that we aren't loving ourselves enough and need to put up a healthy boundary or it comes up to show us that we have unrealistic expectations that we are placing on another which they cannot meet (looking to them to fill in our voids or validate us). Also, sometimes it's good to get a little impatient. It can be an indicator that we are stagnating and need to make some changes in our life or our approach to whatever is making us feel frustrated.
But here's the vital point to consider when we are told that we must love our twin flame unconditionally. We need to heed this advice from a balanced perspective. Everything is about balance. No conditions at all is unhealthy, too many conditions (unrealistic conditions) is also unhealthy. It's completely natural and necessary to have healthy expectations, which ARE healthy conditions. These include healthy boundaries, which are also conditions. Our soul always loves our twin flame unconditionally (without conditions) in the higher realms, but on this Earth plane we need to have healthy conditions in place if we have any kind of 3D connection with our twin. These include the healthy conditions that basically state you will only decide to be present in your twin flame's 3D life if they treat you well and with love and respect. Many of us have learnt the hard way that when we haven't had healthy conditions in place (healthy boundaries) that we are either left being taken for granted or mistreated (or both) by twin or otherwise. This lunacy of "unconditional love" in terms of pressuring especially the divine feminine's to be some kind of doormat ("saint") is far from self-loving. Until everyone one on Earth is fully enlightened, we must have healthy conditions or boundaries in place.
But the pressure to be this self-sacrificing saint is immense within the community. If you display any kind of frustration, impatience, anger towards twin, feelings of giving up etc then someone usually pipes up and says, "You sound very much in ego!" This is often a condescending insult projected onto you by someone who wants to feel superior because they believe themselves to be some enlightened angel who's above you. This isn't always the case and sometimes it really is someone trying to help the other person to see that perhaps they aren't seeing things from the bigger perspective, but often it is about some illusion of a "enlightenment hierarchy" and the person is trying to imply the other is on the bottom rung (whilst they are on the top!)
But again, it's about balance, and I will even say that ego isn't all bad. Our pride may be hurt as our ego takes a blow. But this INITIAL reaction can sometimes actually be an indicator that we aren't loving ourselves. It points to something much deeper. The ego can be triggered and then with introspection we could potentially realise it was triggered because we were seeking outside approval. It can highlight the areas which aren't healed within us on a deeper level.
But there is so much stigma attached to placing any kind of conditions within our twin flame connection. It's as if we are being told that in order to be worthy or ready for twin flame union we have to disregard our own healthy and necessary needs for respect, kindness and consideration from our twin. Of course it's never said in this way, but the underlying message is just that. This is all separation illusion in disguise (the illusion of hierarchy with God at the top and us "mere humans" at the bottom). This is a form of seeking approval from an external source. "I am a sinner and must sacrifice myself to be worthy".
How many times have you swept some kind of less than adequate behaviour from your twin flame under the carpet because you felt it's what you were "supposed" to do according to what you'd learned in the twin flame community? How many of you have felt so pressured to be some kind of saint, Mother Teresa figure to your twin, babying him (or her) and being overly giving, nurturing, loving, no matter what? And how many times when you did that did you also have to try and push down the sinking feeling of your soul crying out to you that something wasn't right in doing that and that you needed to love yourself more? Your intuition knew that something was amiss, but the community had taught you to do things that felt "off" to you deep down.
For many of you, a tower moment had to occur in order to wake you up to what you'd always known deep down, that you need to love yourself and place those healthy boundaries within your connection. Many of you had to get so pissed off (with yourself too) and with the Pollyanna attitude in many corners of the twin flame community and say "Hell no!" to the point where you didn't give a fuck whether you were "in ego" or not. All you knew at that time, is that you deserved better. So you may well have had a period where you were like "Screw the tf community!" But then with returned clarity, once the dust settled, you see it's NOT being in ego to place healthy boundaries, it's certain teachings that are false.
You may have felt like giving up on this whole twin flame thing for a while and been faced with confusion about doing that because certain people would have been saying that giving up is because you're in ego, or lack patience, or some other derogatory projection designed to guilt trip you into remaining the humble pushover. It's like some people see it as a competition. Their underlying message is: "If you're not the innocent and beautiful little girl stereotype that we're all pressured to conform to by society then you're nothing!" We're taught that basically, all these things - anger, frustration, self-empowerment, being seen AND heard is not desirable for a feminine. And the people subconsciously spouting this crap in the community to feel superior are the ones still caught up in it. It ALL comes down to the unrealistic and disempowering stereotypes that we are pressured to be in society. We've been playing this out in our twin flame connection almost like a caricature.
Many of us have felt duped! Especially as the whole time we knew better deep down. We knew it didn't feel right. We may have acted completely differently with our twin in terms of these pressures, than what we do with anyone else! i.e. we wouldn't have put up with certain things with anyone else, but because we are told that this connection is different (which it is), we are taught that it doesn't apply to the old paradigm relationships (which it doesn't), but that doesn't mean we need to totally throw everything out of the window, including needing to respect ourselves and be respected by our twin. That part of the "old paradigm" type relationship still remains - the need to have healthy expectations of being treated well!
In saying all of this I'm not suggesting that we go in the total opposite direction and become some absolutely unrealistic diva, because it's all about being THE REAL YOU. I think many of you have secretly worried that your twin flame would not be able to handle the real you, so you "softened" yourself BIG TIME to make them feel comfortable, to make them feel powerful by you making yourself almost powerless. But it backfired! You were wearing a mask and it has always been OBVIOUS to your twin. You weren't being your true self and subconsciously this was telling them that they also had no permission to be their true self. Through disempowering yourself you dulled your magnetic attraction significantly. You weren't loving yourself, you clothed your true love and beauty of who you are in murky illusions, you conformed to how society wanted to repress you (all subconsciously of course).
You thought your power would scare your twin away because it goes against society's pressures to keep you disempowered. On a deep DNA level, over many lifetimes, we've known that that men were threatened by female empowerment and so it's been an undercurrent expectation for us to suppress that within ourselves. BUT this is a soul connection and it's all about union, with self, with one another. So it's about being truth - you want your twin to live in his truth? Well he wants and needs you to do the same. You want him to be empowered and confident in who he is, then you need to do the same. Then your magnetism lights up tremendously.
When you empower yourself, place healthy boundaries, refuse to compromise your dignity, as your mirror, you will notice the divine masculine empowering himself too, placing healthy boundaries in his life, being his true self. You are one. However, when you disempower yourself, you disempower your twin and the dynamic between you. If you don't believe in him, he won't believe in himself either, and if you don't believe you are beautiful in your power which goes against conformity, then you will stay stuck in the fear, the masks, the karmic cycles. Set yourself free! Your test is to be brave enough to let go, surrender, be the real you (more about this here), empower yourself and release the fear of loss of your twin. Because as long as you remain fearing losing them, you will always remain segregated from your own true self, because you will feel the urge to continue to conform, to seek approval, to be the overly doting martyr that keeps you stuck in illusion.
Many twin's fear losing their DM or DF so much that they believe that putting up healthy boundaries will push them away. So on a subconscious level it's very convenient to convince ourselves that we don't need to erect those boundaries "because I am being all spiritual and saintly instead by allowing everything (good and bad)". This bs side of "unconditional love" seems very appealing in those moments. It allows us to keep our head buried in the sand, just waiting for our twin to change rather than face our biggest fear of loss through empowering ourselves and being true to who we are.
The whole point of this journey is to rediscover the real you, the you that is always lovable just because you exist, the real you that is outside the illusion of separation, of hierarchy, of trying to conform to social pressures, of needing anyone or anything outside of yourself to prove you are worthy. So this means we need to stop approval seeking in the twin flame community too. Know that we are all human, we are all on this path of discovery, so no-one has all the answers. Don't blindly believe everyone else knows best simply because it's a popular fad teaching that's "in" right now. Because these teaching can spread like wild fire in the community, whether they are accurate or not. So practice discernment, what feels right for you. Think about it, is your twin trying to conform to social groups in his own life? Are they also giving him well meaning advice that is bs? Is this a mirror? Is he now kicking himself too because deep down he always knew better? I think so.
As a speaker in the community, I can tell you that the pressure to be some kind of saint-like figure has been immense! I was always worried of the "You're stuck in ego" comment so I tried to be perfect. I tried to be perfect for my twin too but I wasn't being the real me, I wasn't accepting myself in my true, vulnerable yet powerful human state. I wasn't loving myself and so I was seeking it from him. Union would never have happened in that energy state. (I'm not implying it was all down to me btw).
So to sum this up, It's damaging to imply that all conditions are bad or based in ego. What we need to be told is that unhealthy expectations and unrealistic conditions are not good for us or our connection. These things include looking to the other to fill in our voids, expecting the other to be perfect, expecting the other to rescue us etc and then getting mad when they literally cannot do that. On the other hand, healthy conditions and boundaries are necessary, i.e. expecting to be treated with kindness and respect.
When we act like the self-sacrificing martyr with no healthy boundaries it gives our twin the clear message than we don't love and honour ourselves. I know it's a sad realisation, but even our twin flames aren't perfect and they fall into the energetic dynamic like everyone else does, meaning, if you don't love yourself, you are teaching them to disrespect you too. Many of us have subconsciously been looking for our twin to be our saviour. We've been hurt many times before with other people when we were too clingy, too much of a doormat, too much of the nice girl with no backbone, basically when we were conforming to who we felt pressured to be growing up. So with our twin we (subconsciously) played the role of who we thought we were meant to be so we could create this testing ground, to test our twin. Would he be the one to finally love, respect and approve of me now I've "mastered" being the "perfect person", the martyr (the mask!)? We became everything we thought our parents would be proud of, or society, or God, or men, or our twin etc. And they STILL reject us! "After all the work I've put in!!" (to be someone I'm not!)
They aren't rejecting you. If they are your true twin, they are "rejecting" the FALSE you. To force you to get pissed and throw caution to the wind and say "fuck it!" And basically give up on the exhausting process of wearing that mask. It's not even a rejection in truth, it an energetic repulsion. They cannot get near you even if they really badly want to because you're living in an illusion.
We wanted to believe in a fantasy knight in shining armour, the one that could "heal" us by giving our wounded inner child all the love and approval she felt she never received from anyone else. What a blow to the ego when we realised that our twin wasn't ever meant to be that, that they (and we) are more human and imperfect and like everyone else than what we wanted to believe. The convenience of having someone else giving this (false sense of) healing and wholeness to us was revealed to be an illusion. We must do the work within, there's no way around it! But when that illusion shatters, it sets you free from feeling powerless, or believing you're meant to play some powerless doormat to be good enough. This is how we are breaking those old paradigms.
As divine feminine's a whole host of expectations (from far beyond this community) have been placed on us to be the receptive feminine. Receptivity is a great thing, but it's been warped through society and many lifetimes to where we believe we need to be receptive to everything, including the bad.
Another thing I have noticed is that many people rely too much on all these YouTube tarot readings. Yes, sometimes they can really be helpful and resonate, but some people are obsessed with them and hold onto the DM's 5D messages or his 5D self as an excuse to put up with the poor 3D reality of him. "He treated me like shit but I know he loves me in 5D so I can excuse him!" No! I'm not trying to imply we must become hard, unfeeling, resistant to our DM (unless really necessary), but I am saying to only accept what feels right to you in your soul, what feels respectful and loving from your twin flame.
When we stagnate in this fear and continue to baby, micromanage, allow disrespect etc then not only are we holding ourselves back, we are holding our twin flame back too! When one becomes their true self, it unlocks the door for the other to become their true self. If you would like to read more about this then check out my other article all about how trying to do it all and hold it all together actually keeps you both stuck.
We must be brave and face our biggest fear that we will be rejected if we are our true selves and step into our truth of divine feminine empowerment. This is why we are here after all, to break free from the old limiting illusions that hold us back from self-union. When we face our fears, place healthy boundaries, stop looking to the other for approval and start loving ourselves, we force our twin flame out of their comfort zone because we've created a void. No longer are we resonating with "settling" for a dysfunctional dynamic with our twin. We know it's not serving anyone. We're being true to ourselves and if our twin wants to truly have self union and union with their feminine, they will be propelled to live authentically too. They will have to come out of their comfort zone like we have. We are reflections after all and many are already witnessing this in their twin flame since applying the healthy boundaries.
If you would like detailed assistance on how to create these healthy boundaries that break through stagnation and propel you into inner union (and outer union if it's on the cards for you) then I have created an in depth video lesson which is 34 minutes in length and just $11.11 USD. Many clients have reported back to me how transformational the information and guidance within the video has been for them. The details are below.
I wish you the deepest love, light and awakening on your continued journey!
Love Karen x
Video: How to Create Healthy Boundaries that Speed Up Union (34 Minutes)
Are you afraid to create healthy boundaries in case it causes you twin flame to disappear from your life? Are you constantly walking on eggshells and feeling mistreated or taken for granted? Do you find yourself getting angry with your twin a lot? Are you secretly angry with yourself because you feel you are disrespecting yourself? Do you feel you are the only one putting in all the work? Do you feel humiliated when you open up to your twin and they completely ghost you or treat you badly?
These are all signs that you need to implement healthy boundaries. You may be afraid that it will mean your twin will disappear out of your life, but do you really want someone there just because you're the one holding on so tightly? What about your emotional needs? This journey is all about loving yourself after all.
What if I told you that implementing healthy boundaries would actually draw your twin flame closer to you (not by playing games but by simply honouring your own needs and loving yourself). What if I told you that this is the key to stop going in circles and actually have positive action towards union once and for all? Boundaries force the other twin to face their fears and actually do the inner work. That is what everyone truly wants. It can be a scary process, but it's the only thing that stops you going in circles and delaying your highest good, If it means the person exits your life for good then it's not your twin anyway and it makes room for your real twin to come into your life.
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I Am Loved, I Receive Love Meditation
How do you reach union with your twin flame..? By reaching union with yourself. What does this mean? Union with self is when we can see beyond our conditioning, illusions and ego false self to align with the truth of our divine soul consciousness - to know we are pure, innocent, lovable and perfectly divine even with our human imperfections. Union with self is the state of embracing both our divinity and our humanness and merging those into One, embracing all aspects of ourselves in Love. It's the state we reach when we are no longer controlled by our conditioning which takes us away from self love and oneness, and so we can reconnect with our divine soul truth and live our lives embodying our authenticity. This activates our union with our twin flame because so within, so without, as above, so below.
In this powerful union alignment activation I take you through the steps to clear out the areas in which you have been judging yourself, feeling unworthy, cutting yourself off from love and subconsciously blocking your union. I take you on a gentle journey to connect with your soul family and twin flame's unconditional love that they always have for you. I show you how loved you are so you can really see it, feel it and believe it, opening your heart to receive this love and your own self-love, trusting your twin flame loves you so deeply. This activates your heart to open further to receiving more and more love.
You will align with your true nature, which is Love, and therefore you will begin manifesting the reflection of this unconditional love that you will cultivate for yourself in the form of union with your twin flame.
This is such a powerful activation. You will begin stripping down the layers of unconditional blocks and really begin seeing yourself in this new loving light, releasing fear of being unworthy that can get trapped in our subconscious. This clears it all out making room to allow the love and union in. This is union with self to make way for union with your twin flame.
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