Welcome back to another twin flame energy update. There's a lot to cover in this one! It's all about how both twins are revealing their truth to each other by removing their masks. I am going to look into the different ways in which the DM and DF were hiding and protecting themselves and how they both tried to avoid their pain. I will examine the masks they have been wearing, why they were wearing them and how they are now beginning to remove these masks in order to make way for deeper truth and intimacy with each other.
How the Divine Masculine was Wearing a Mask
The first download I received is all about why many twin flames run and hideout in another relationship. Why they feel this need to keep wearing a mask in this way (often a reflection of our own masks too which I will get into later). It is often the DM's who get into third party situations (but it's not always and can it sometimes be the DF that does this). But like I mentioned in the previous update, the roles are somewhat reversed right now between the divine feminine and masculine so many DF's are experiencing a deeper understanding about why the divine masculine may have done that.
Many of the divine feminine's have felt very hurt recently and may have subsequently got stuck at a crossroads not knowing how to proceed. It was designed to make you surrender, to look even deeper inwards for self-discovery. You've been pondering your options. The pain was so intense that at one point you may have felt like jacking in the connection altogether. Except, if you're a true twin flame, at the end of the day you know you simply can't do that. You can't run away from it like that. Everything must be faced. But nonetheless, many have been pondering how to keep moving forward and whether or not it would be more aligned for you in the future to be with another partner other than your twin. Many of you have not been in a rush to jump into something but nonetheless, you are going with the flow and not closed off to that idea if it resonates with you sometime in the future. Basically, you are allowing yourself to simply "feel your way through" your life in the present moment, seeing what happens instead of holding onto rigid expectations of how you think your connection and life should unfold. Basically, you've released your grip on your twin connection and that's a very good thing because now it can unfold as it's meant to.
But during these ponderings many downloads came through to me about why some twins "jump ship" to be with a karmic partner. I could almost see the appeal on CERTAIN LEVELS, but to me having some needs met on certain levels wouldn't seem worth the trouble if it meant consciously donning a mask just to make it work. That would be very burdensome. But the thing is, many DM's don't know how to fully trust that the twin flame connection is real and so subconsciously they test the waters elsewhere to become more clear. This, I feel, is why most DF's don't go into third party situations because they often just "know" much sooner that the connection is real and therefore they don't need to test the waters elsewhere to become clear. But there are many reasons why third party situations happen and it's very multi-faceted.
Like I said, it is mostly the DM (mostly men) who hide out in a karmic relationship and spirit showed me it's also because the DM's actually feel their emotions much more intensely than women do. This is because most women have several avenues to express their emotions throughout their life, they can get everything off their chest and feel supported by other females in doing so. But for men, most do not have anywhere to express their emotions and so they all get bottled up to the point where they explode out of them like a volcanic eruption. This is why the TF journey intimidates the DM's so much. They don't know how to handle that explosion of emotions, especially when they've been taught to feel ashamed of being overly emotional. They've simultaneously not been taught how to handle or work through those emotions effectively so when they come up they don't know what the hell to do with them. They've been taught to repress them, hide them away and so they run and avoid their feelings and create distractions for themselves through these other relationships.
So here are some of the downloads I received about what many twin flames feel when they decide to run into karmic connections:
⦁ You can keep wearing your mask that makes you feel protected. Your mask allows you to hide your true emotions and also distract you from feeling them.
⦁ You feel you will be consumed by the pain, sadness, longing, disappointment of the lack of union with your twin so run because you feel you can't handle those emotions.
⦁ Everything within the twin flame connection feels like a jumbled mess that will never get untangled and it stresses you out. You want to get away from it all and long for a simple relationship. It feels appealing on certain levels to just liberate yourself from the tangled web, the stress and constant emotional pain at the disappointment.
⦁ You feel too tired to handle the emotions on such an intense level and just want a break or a "timeout" or a safe space to go to get away from it all from time to time.
⦁ You're looking for a woman (or man) who isn't going to pressure you out of your comfort zone.
⦁ You just want a simple relationship where you can feel carefree (because you don't really care about the outcome with a karmic so there's no stress).
⦁ Getting into a karmic relationship is like going to the cinema - you know it's not real, but you willingly suspend your sense of reality just to release stress and enjoy yourself. When things feel like too much work in the twin flame connection it can get "too much". The little charade feels like a welcome relief.
⦁ You don't understand what this twin flame connection really is and so you are testing elsewhere to become clear of what is and isn't right for you.
⦁ You are just so tired of constantly thinking about it, worrying about the connection, feeling it's always out of reach, you just want to LIVE right now for a while even though you know deep down that your heart lies with your twin and always will.
⦁ You want to distance yourself for a while until it all just "sorts itself out" because the more effort you put into it, the more of a tangled mess it (and you) begin to feel.
⦁ You want to get away from the constant inner voice that tells you that you're failing all the time because you're still not in union.
⦁ You feel like you cannot control the outcome of your tf connection and so you just want to forget that anxiety and fear for a while.
⦁ You want to distract yourself until the time is right, your twin figures it out, or the universe works it out. (Can be a form of trying to run from doing your own work).
⦁ You are afraid of fucking up your connection by overly obsessing, doing the wrong things, not knowing what you're doing, not healing properly, putting so much pressure on yourself and feeling like you're failing all the time, so you just need a break for a while. It seems so much easier with this other person.
⦁ This other person becomes you're coping mechanism when things get too much in your twin flame connection.
⦁ You don't see them as someone truly important to you, especially not in the long run, because you will always be thinking of your twin at the end of the day, but it will be from this safe distance where you're not allowing yourself to get so swallowed up by stressing over the connection all the time.
⦁ There's no pressure in wearing a mask, you can be whoever you want to be and not have to get too serious about anything real (which seems like a blessing, but eventually becomes more of a burden over time).
⦁ You can play out how you'd like to be with your twin flame but with this other person, just so you feel that on some level you have an avenue to express your love that you feel you are blocked from being able to express with your twin. You fantasise deep down about doing these things for your twin.
⦁ You want complete physical union with your twin but it's just not happening at this time so you try to get the physical - companionship, social, sexual - needs met elsewhere, even though you'd prefer to have it all with your twin.
⦁ You're totally unaware of the connection and therefore just living your life until you wake up more.
⦁ You try to prove to yourself that you can love another just as deeply as you love your twin flame. That way, you can experience all the love and not have to do the inner work. But it never works like that.
⦁ You're just waiting for things to change and happen in your connection and don't want to twiddle your thumbs in the meantime. It's like you've put the cake in the oven and you're just waiting for it to rise, you keep going back to look in on it's progress before you're ready to take it out of the oven.
⦁ You're not sure it's going to work out with your twin flame and you're worried you're just letting life pass you by. Perhaps if you start living with someone else instead of stagnating and obsessing, then this new life will turn out the be how you're supposed to be living anyway.
⦁ You're scared of putting all your eggs in one basket and being left at the end with nothing.
⦁ It all just seems so much simpler.
⦁ "I can't handle you blocking me out. I feel rejected." So you seek acceptance and validation elsewhere.
⦁ You're not ready for your true twin flame because of a fear of rejection. It's safer to be with someone else where you could recover fairly easily from the breakup.
⦁ You've got karma to settle with this person before union can occur with your twin flame.
⦁ You've been waiting for your twin to wake up and you couldn't wait any longer so now you're triggering them into feeling abandoned to wake them up (as part of the soul contract). **This one is very important right now in explaining where the DM has been waiting for the DF to shift. I will go into this in depth very shortly in the DF section below.
Within all these reasons (and many can apply at the same time), there will always be important lessons involved, to help them and their twin awaken more.
Because the DF has shifted so much in recent months, surrendered, let the chips fall wherever they may so to speak, knowing her worth isn't dependent upon him etc etc many DM's have released themselves from these third party situations. As you've shifted and become stronger, more brave in facing your fears head on, they also no longer feel like they need these karmics in order to survive this tumultuous journey. They know their own strength now too. Many illusions have come crumbling down for the DF and so the DM is seeing clearly now too.
Many of you have recently experienced or will soon experience your DM speaking his truth to you. They are no longer wanting to hide behind masks or deception. They are reaching out with truth. Both twins are becoming much more of their true selves more than ever as all this stagnant fear that we were trapped in for so long is disappearing. The DF was forced to face her biggest fears in that tower moment and so the fears did not scare her so much anymore. This is also why the DM is no longer afraid to release his own fears, illusions and masks. Both are revealing their true selves to each other and this leads me onto the next download about how the DF is also removing her masks and feeling more able to be her true self with her DM.
How the Divine Feminine was Wearing a Mask
There's a lot to be said about the divine feminine's mask. In this update I am simply going to talk about my own mask I wore around my twin that I am now in the process of shedding. I'm sure a lot of what I have to say will resonate with many of you. I am going to be super real about myself here.
I've talked a lot already in another article about how the divine feminine tried to become the "Perfect DF" based on societal pressures of what we're expected to be as a woman. Well, I'm going to look even more deeply into this and other facets of the mask I wore to ultimately protect myself.
So let's get into it...
Both twins want union more than anything. It's a soul truth, a magnetic force beyond their control. And yet in the initial stages simultaneously on a deep ego level they are both scared shitless of union, of being truly seen and vulnerable. They may not even consciously realise just how afraid they are and think they are ready when they aren't. This was certainly the case for me as well. There was always two sides of me playing out at once, one hand pulling him closer, the other pushing him away. A part of me always loved intimidating my twin flame (the hand pushing him away) by getting him to put me on a pedestal. It made me feel powerful, safe, it created a gap between us as he placed me above himself in terms of worthiness. But deep down I felt I had to build myself up in this way because I had put HIM on a pedestal. I tried to hide my true self, feeling I was unworthy. I had a lot of self-esteem issues, mostly around my body shape and size. Insecurities, especially as he was very sporty and confident in all those ways that I wasn't.
When he put me on that pedestal I felt in control, it built up my ego. The more intimidated he felt the more it would encourage me to be bolder, to prove just how much "better" I was at being brave, being strong, being courageous, this all maintaining the safe gap when he would feel that he couldn't live up to me (my mask). I was projecting outwardly the insecurities I secretly felt inside (and that I knew he would feel too) to try and make them just his insecurities instead, to make him feel like he was the one who was "unworthy". I would often be the one making all the moves and being really forward with him (not that that's a bad thing per se, but in this connection, I knew it overwhelmed him massively, especially as he is younger than me and I was just pretending to be way more confident than what I actually was). "Look how confident and sure of myself I am. Let me highlight to you how you feel the opposite of that!"
But the truth is, it was all an act, a power trip, I was intoxicated by feeling more of the masculine energy coursing through my veins. It was a thrill to me to feel powerful. I'd spent my whole life trying to be that perfect girl, woman, daughter, granddaughter, girlfriend, mother, meek and mild etc and it was thrilling to now be chasing him, acting like a man, being able to take action after action and rebelling in such a way. It was liberating for me. My ego didn't want to let that go. I guess I wanted to be "powerful" like all these other men who'd left me behind in the dust in the past. I sure as hell wasn't going to go through that again, so I would BECOME that, or the perception of that. The "I don't need you" attitude - "I can do it all by myself!" And what do I end up with? Doing it "all by myself" (as an outside projection that is).
His fears would puff me up, I'd feel flattered that I had that much of an effect on him. I dominated everything, making out I was the perfect feminine on the outside, but really my action-oriented approach allowed me to stay in the masculine energy. I was TOO much in the masculine energy and merely pretending to myself I was being very feminine, but I was just being the distorted version. I'd pretend to myself and my twin that I always knew best (even if I didn't come outright and say it) and that I was several steps ahead so I could continue to take control and feel in control.
I chased him, I knew it would keep him away. That hurt a lot, because a deeper part of me always wanted to be with him, and I couldn't consciously see what I was doing so a part of me did feel rejected when he'd keep his distance from me. I would try and coax him closer to counteract this compulsion to push him away. I was scared my untamed ego would push him further and further away, so I would try and pull him closer and closer just as much. I tried harder and harder. I tried to force the scales to tip from fear (pushing him away) into love (allowing him closer). So I went about loving him in every way I could. I would bend over backwards trying to override this deep seated block within me which I knew was pushing him away.
The part of me that was afraid to allow him to close felt safer having a part of him but him also being at a safe distance. I was scared of my twin flame's power to crush me so I took his power from him. Twin's often subconsciously give away their power to the other. I guess a part of me took advantage of that. I subconsciously tried to make out that he had very little power. I was afraid of him "attaining" me, that he'd chew me up then spit me out again. I had to make him invested. So I worked diligently to build up my mask, my "allure" to keep him hooked. I didn't trust our connection to last if I didn't do something to constantly earn his attention. (Neither of us trusted the longevity of the connection).
I didn't want to be merely disposable, I didn't want to be thrown away and undervalued like I felt other's had treated me in the past. They hadn't seen anything special in me. I wanted be a rare jewel to my twin flame that no one else could emulate. I felt I had to become inaccessible, unattainable, for now, until I was sure of his love for me. If he had me too soon, I was sure he'd just throw me away. I wanted so much for him to have me, but it was the thing I was most scared of too. I felt like I had to create a barrier but also keep him close at the same time.
I knew he was the only person to see into me so deeply. He was the only one to give a damn enough to recognise me, to become fascinated with me, obsessed. I felt his eyes on me and wanted to prove I am the best version of myself to him because no one else had ever taken the time to even give a shit and look at what I have to offer the world. So I tried to prove myself, become some "better" version of myself than what I deemed myself to be. I played a fantasy role of how I wanted to be seen. I wanted my twin to stay looking at me, noticing me, appreciating me. I had no idea that he would still do that even if I was just being myself. I simply knew there would not be another whom would care so much to see me and celebrate me, so I donned my best mask and tried to be even better, to impress him. I wanted to rise to the occasion I'd never had the opportunity of before with anyone else, but I went over the top, I put on a facade of perfection and it made me feel so validated when he would watch me from afar. I guess I went a bit power-crazy and it only left my DM feeling inadequate in comparison.
I constantly wondered why he felt the need to wear a mask with me, why he felt like he couldn't just be himself. I really wanted him to know that I just loved him for himself and he didn't need to pretend to be anything else just to impress me. Oh the irony!
I did a lot of things to try and prove something, that as a woman I can be powerful, that as a woman I am worthy of truly being seen and heard and valued. DM recognised me in a way that let me run away with that deep desire to NOT be overlooked and undervalued simply because I'm a woman. He brought out my strengths in many ways and was the one to inspire me to start my YouTube channel and these energy updates here. I just became too intoxicated by the power I'd never felt before. It became very imbalanced and it's as if a part of my ancestral DNA of the repressed feminine was causing me to think, "Look at me, I'm a successful woman, I'm powerful, I don't need you, I'm better than you!" It's like I'd created a competition with my twin subconsciously. On the one hand I really wanted to be with him and yet my ego was fuelled by the liberation of being seen in my power by a man that I went overboard and made out I didn't need him. I see now that subconsciously I was trying to play out my wounding caused by other men leaving me in the dust and was projecting it onto my twin. He was the only man to care enough to listen to my point of view on a consistent basis!
So there was that part of me trying to prove something, and then the other part of me that was scared I was pushing him away and DIDN'T want the "me vs. you" separation consciousness playing out. That other part of me, the part that longed for union, of true intimacy, to allow him to come closer worked equally as hard to try and make him know that he is worthy, that he is welcome to come close, that he is needed. These opposite sides of myself were both just counteracting each other and it was just a huge mess. All the while my DM was standing at the sidelines looking on at me and I was thinking he was the one who had to change! (I know it's not this black and white, both need to heal and shift, but for this part of the update I'm simply focusing on my own DF energy.)
This whole time my DM was standing there, trying to hold on and losing hope. A part of him was always waiting for me to shift. He literally couldn't come closer. He wondered if it would all just be easier with someone else. He loved me like no other but it just wasn't working. It was stagnating. I was waiting for him to change. I was blind to myself. I actually suspect I was the biggest block out of the two of us all along! LMAO
I enjoyed the chase and building that tower, I worked and worked on it diligently like the 8 of Pentacles, doing the same thing over and over. A part of me thought I was building up the certainty of our union, but another part of me was keeping the safety barriers in tact along the way. I liked being in the DM energy. It made me feel different to other women. I took pride in that, but it was all so distorted and I was just alienating myself and my twin flame.
I refused to resign from my position and so my twin had to come in and completely bulldoze my tower and deflate me, deflate my ego, make me realise it hadn't been as fun as I thought it was at the time. I'd been denying my TRUE feminine self by trying to become this superwoman on steroids, which was secretly me trying to be the masculine energy in disguise. Yes, I could pretend to myself I was so feminine and sweet by playing this overly exaggerated "DF Template role" we're all bullshitted into believing we are supposed to become, but really it was so distorted. "I am a goddess, I am a superhuman, I am an angel - look at me, I'm sooo worthy" (to subconsciously make myself feel superior to DM, make him feel unworthy, hence keeping him at a safe distance.)
A deep subconscious part of me (my ego) was afraid to have him stop running. Where would my ego get it's sense of power and control if I surrendered, if I gave up the mask of being the one in charge, if I stopped dominating the whole fucking thing and let him come closer? Who would I be if I wasn't this mask? Would I just fall back to being the "unworthy" and "mediocre" me? The truth is, I was afraid to be my TRUE feminine self, to be vulnerable, to allow things to unfold naturally, to allow myself to be seen for who I really am. I had no self-esteem. Taking charge was safety to me. I could sit at the top of my ivory tower, safely locked away in my fantasy world and not have to be real. What if the real me wasn't good enough for him? What if the real me would just be completely overlooked again? What if I went back to being invisible? That part of me which was so afraid wanted to hold onto my twin's gaze forever, be the one he put on a pedestal, be the top person he could not look away from. He made me feel seen like never before, which is what my inner child desperately craved. I just never realised that all he wanted and needed from me was for me to be my true self.
I was scared of him being in his power. I guess I was scared that if he took back his power then the spell would be broken, the game would be up, he'd see the real me and realise he didn't need me, didn't want me and he'd leave. My desperate inner child had to keep him looking up to me, see me as this out of reach fantasy that's he'd always have to work towards, investing more and more in me and our connection so he couldn't ever let go. I was scared of him having all the power and abusing that power. So a subconscious part of me felt like I had to keep him small, needing me, feeling like he could never live up to who he wanted to be with me. I wouldn't let him, I would keep doing, and doing and doing, dominating everything, the more I did, the more I felt I could keep him tethered to me. All these twin flame readings making him feel that he had to just heal some more, do more of this or that, like it was always just out of reach for the DM or that he was never living up to his true potential. I had to create an illusion to protect myself, that I was more powerful, that he was less powerful. But look who was the one powerful enough to bulldoze my bullshit? His soul literally could not stagnate in this bullshit any longer.
So he partially ran from me and it broke down my tower, broke down my bullshit. It was harsh but definitely needed. I was taken down a peg or two, or a hundred, I became more humble, realised I didn't know everything that I liked to think I did. Someone had to crumble my bs because I certainly wasn't going to. He had to show me that I'm not in control. So what did he go and do? He made me feel abandoned. He made me face my biggest fear, the very thing I was trying to avoid at all costs. And why had he "abandoned" me? Because of who I really am? No, he got into a karmic relationship because of my masks, because of my illusions, because I was pushing him away and making him feel shit about himself, over and over and over, preventing him from stepping into his power all because *I* wanted to remain in control and safe in my ego mask and ivory tower. I wasn't willing to face my fears all by myself, I wasn't willing to be 50/50 although I claimed that was the one thing I always wanted so badly from him the whole time. It had to be forced upon me. I couldn't control that could I?
So I realised that my sense of control was just an illusion, that my belief in my mask being the very thing to protect me from "abandonment" was false. I saw how my fears had been sabotaging everything and pushing away the very thing that the real me wanted all along. I wanted him, but I was afraid of his power over me at the same time. He is so very powerful and I see now how I denied him of that, I kept it from him due to my own fears.
After that tower moment, I thought to myself "Who is the real me?" Certainly not the perfect version I had dreamed up for myself. I discovered that I liked the real, vulnerable me, it was liberating to be humbled, to have my tower broken down. I had to face that pain of abandonment I had tried to avoid for so fucking long. It didn't break me, it made me stronger, but in the REAL sense. I knew it didn't define my worth. Before it happened, I was so afraid that "abandonment" from my twin would mean I was worthless. He made me see that was just an illusion all along. That I am worthy. I saw the good side of my old self. The parts of me that tried so hard to be there for him, to love him, to nurture him, to be a good person. I knew that despite everything, I was a good person and worthy of love and happiness. I knew I had to give it to myself. I could now see just how codependent I was. I can't actually believe just how much I was deluding myself that whole time.
I look back at that old mask and I feel embarrassed, I feel how obvious a charade it must have appeared to my twin, how much I was swallowed up by my ego, the sheer ridiculousness of it all. I'm not beating myself up about it because we all go through the 50 shades of ego, but I became AWARE. I woke up. The penny dropped. I changed in what felt like overnight. Boom! The mask dropped. I felt like an utter fool.
I shifted big time. I learned to be happy by myself. That I wanted union with my twin, but didn't need it like some life or death situation. What I thought would make me feel unworthy actually helped me to see that I am worthy and always have been. This fear has been released. And then of course, twin mirrors that back to you! And he has :-)
So I try to keep this ego compulsion at bay. I'm not perfect at it. I give my twin time and distance to take back his power that I stole from him. I now know that it's not all about me and what I need or want. And it's all such a huge relief to drop all of that bullshit. So to my twin flame, I'm sorry I screwed you over for so long then blamed you for it. I'm sorry I made you into my personal fan club, putting myself on the stage and placing you in the crowd and making out you didn't have VIP access.
This is where I'm currently at. I hope it's really resonated with some of you. If you would like in depth guidance into how to remove your own hidden masks then I have created a 1 hour video lesson all about this for just USD $11.11. It's really powerful! See below.
Love to you on your continued journey,
Video: How to Remove Hidden Masks (58 minutes)
Is your twin flame wearing a mask and running away from their truth? Are they running from your connection because they fear being too open, honest and vulnerable? Are they expressive and loving one minute but then totally disappear and clam up the next?
It's often very easy to spot your twin flame's masks, but you are mirrors of each other and so there are some subconscious masks you are wearing too. You may be very open and honest with your twin flame, but there will be other areas in your life where you may not feel so confident in fully being yourself. Subconscious conditioning will likely have you donning your own mask in certain situations, around certain people. You may be feeling pressured to live up to other people's or society's expectations and are therefore not fully being authentic to yourself.
In this 58 minute video teaching we explore deeply into the hidden masks that many twin flames wear without even realising it. I help you understand your subconscious masks and show you ways to overcome them and align with your true authentic self so you can fully embody your truth. When one twin flame heals, the other must too because you are one and the same, always in alignment with each other.
58 minutes long.
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